Resentment hurts. Resentful people want to see you suffer. In general, people don’t want to see you happy and successful and resent it because they want to be in your position. This can occur at work, in a relationship, or even with strangers when you have something they want. They will devise ways to bring you down.
Why are you a target?
You’re only vulnerable because of your programming. For example, ‘Be kind’, ‘have a thick skin’, any form of making excuses for them is part of our programming. When you do this, you harm yourself.
As a child you were little and learned that you had to survive. Sometimes this meant not standing out in certain ways and performing in others. What you did was diminish yourself because you feared upsetting someone. Children are vulnerable and need care givers, even those who are possibly abusive, simply to survive. But you are no longer a child and you don’t need to be resentful and weak.
How do I get away?
Breaking this programming isn’t easy. I’d be lying if I said it was, but little by little, as you see it, you will become free of it. Simply observe it, sense how your body feels about the situation and this person. When resentment hurts, it’s physical. This observation leads to your understanding that you are not the cause of this pain, feeling diminished by resentment is something you learned that is no longer valid for you.
Why do people resent me?
When people fear that someone is more successful, they resent them. It’s simply that you have what they want. They can’t get it because of their own sense of inadequacy gets in their way, so it’s easier to hit out at you instead and resent you. It’s as simple as that. Resentment hurts them as well as you.
When you are resented it’s because others feel they should have the power (thing, holiday, partner etc.) you have. No one resents someone who they feel is superior to them, they resent someone who they believe should be equal but who is displaying greater power. Resentment has nothing to do with you. It is about someone else trying to put you down to enhance their own power.
Why do people hurt me?
For example, if someone scratches a key down your car, it’s because they resent you, so they want to pull you down ‘to their level’. If you are going on a holiday a family member may resent it and tell you how they would never go there because it’s a dump. Parents resent their children’s success in life sometimes. It’s never the active person doing their thing, it’s the passive person who resents. Resentment is a passive form of dealing with a perceived injustice. Instead of doing something, they resent you for your achievements.
Am I resentful?
Do you whine, moan or complain? If you do, you are resentful. By doing that you feel better for a short while, but the resentment is deep and it’s still within you. Being in a place of permanent resentment takes its toll. Resentful people become mean and bitter and this affects their body too, they get aches and pains that are connected and are a result of resentment.
How do I know if someone is resentful?
Resentful people will try to make you feel bad every time they speak to you. They may be charming and flatter you, but only to pull you down again later. It’s a game of abuse they play because they feel inadequate inside themselves. Remember it’s not your fault someone is resentful. They need to look at themselves and do some work to stop feeling sorry for themselves and become actively engaged in being the best they can too.
What can I do about it?
Where does this affect you? Avoid this toxic game by observing what happens when you feel resentful and pay attention to it. See it for what it is, not what you imagine it to be. Do the same when you see it in others. You will learn how to deal with resentment and other difficult emotions through observing them.
This is part of the work I do with students, I assist them in freeing themselves from past inadequate conditioning.
We suffer from being emotional kick bags. Here’s more from Martin Butler on this.