Conditioned to Conform
We are conditioned to conform and be good members of society. But at what cost? The true cost of fitting in is to contort ourselves in so many ways that eventually become unbearable and the prison we’re in has to break. When this happens we’re usually at a loss and keep turning in circles, ending up at the same point where we started. With understanding about suffering, what causes us pain and what causes us pleasure, we’re able to work through it and achieve peace.
Families are a strong source of conditioning. Everyone in a family feels that their needs have to be met. Though they’re not listening to one another so no one’s needs are met. They talk behind each other’s backs and each family member has a fixed expectation. Once cast in a role, it’s almost impossible to escape. It can be very painful when your needs are not met and there are constant demands made of you.
Why Negotiation is vital
Negotiating your needs is very tricky. People are used to you in your role, they don’t want to make changes. If that’s OK with you, then stay as you are.
Alternatively, there is a way to deal with improving your situation and having your needs met. Like anything worth having, this means effort on your part. You can’t magic up a hero who will do it all for you – you are that hero!
Start by letting others know that you’re not OK with the way things are. Let them know what your needs are. Communicate simple needs at first, because any need will be seen as a challenge. Once you get that need met, allow others to get used to your new position before attempting to make other changes. If they will not listen or think things are OK as they are – that’s because they are – for them, not for you. This is when you realize that there is no one other than you who is going to improve things for you.
Let’s get your needs met!